Maybe This is a Runner’s High

19 Oct

When I got home from work today, I was in the mood for a run. I spent the last hour of work reading Runner’s World newbie articles (shhh, don’t tell my boss) and was ready for some walk-jog-running action. Even though I was in the mood for a run, I wasn’t quite in the mind set where I was ready to open up my heart and prance around the room shouting “I love running!”

No. I was prepared. I was prepared because I knew this run was going to suck–because I’m new at it or because I’ve never been one for running. I just knew it was going to suck. I was even planning on writing a post about how much running sucks and calling it “I Fucking Hate Running.”

As usual, I made myself go out anyway.

I went to the park near my house for the first time. (Walk-jog-running in grass is better for me because of my cranky knee. As grass=good, hard asphalt=BAD BAD OW.) I was a little put off by the park at first because there were some men playing tennis when I first got there. As I began moving, my brain started blabbering at me: “Oh they’re laughing: they must be laughing at you!….Maybe your pants are falling down and you can’t tell. You should stop running and check…..Hey, they must think you have a really fat ass….”–but I shut that part of my brain down and kept slogging forward.

What I found as I teetered away from the dudes playing tennis (who may or may not have still been laughing at me), over little hills and through patches of mud, was that the park goes deeper than I had imagined. I discovered that if you cross the street cutting through the park and keep running, that there’s a pond surrounding by flowers with a small dock hidden back behind the houses. When coming over the first crest of a hill, the almost full moon hovers full and bright over the tree line. I was no longer thinking about the fact that my lungs hurt or that the people inside the houses might see me running along. It did not occur to me to be embarrassed. I was happy to use my body to propel myself forward and to be a small part of the world surrounding me.


I went home. I did a little yoga. While sitting in meditation afterwards, I came to the conclusion: Running is fucking awesome.



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